The Black Prism

I’m sure everyone has come across this phenomenon in their lifetime: person A says something positive then person B acts like it was an insult.

“Have a nice day!”

-“She just can’t wait to get rid of me”

“That’s a nice dress!”

-“He thinks that I look fat.”

“You look pretty.”

-“She’s just being nice.”

What happened? What’s going on inside their head?

I like to blame something I call the Black Prism. Normal prisms produce pretty rainbows by causing different colors of light to pass through it at different speeds.  With black prisms, a similar process happens.  A comment enters the prism and gets bent and twisted by assumptions and a negative self image until it leaves mutated and only vaguely resembling the original statement.

Unfortunately, the product of a black prism isn’t something beautiful like a rainbow; it is a grotesque monster, distorted and downright hurtful to the person in possession of the prism.

The more rules, assumptions,  and filters we apply to the world, the more distorted the end result becomes.

I’ve been a victim of this prism for a very long time.  It is only recently that I have tried to remove it an attempt to see the world in the raw, unassuming truth that it is.

It saddens me to think of how many imaginary walls, how many imaginary insults I had created for myself.

“I can’t walk around the neighborhood, people will see me.”

People can see that I don’t know what I’m doing and don’t want me here.”

“I ate a whole bag of chips. I’ll never lose weight.  I’m worthless.”

This is yet another obstacle on my journey to weight loss that I must work on.  In order to forgive myself and move on, I must move past this prism and see that there was no need for forgiveness to begin with.  Too many of the sources of my shame in the world are of my own creation.

I deserve to be healthy.  I deserve to be happy.  Why? Because I am a human being.  These are basic human rights.

It was the black prism that made me think otherwise.

From now on I will question every negative reaction and ask “Is this the prism talking?”

Hopefully one day I will only have rainbows and not monsters.

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